Prison of Thoughts
by MidnightKat
Summary: ...He was so cold. It had been so long. How long? He'd lost count. It could have been days, months, or even years. It was all a blur. That night was a blur. His whole life seemed like a blur. He only wished it could have turned out differently. It didn't


**Prison of Thoughts**  
_by MidnightKat_  
  
**Disclaimer:** This story is based on characters and situations created and owned by JK Rowling, various publishers including but not limited to Bloomsbury Books, Scholastic Books and Raincoast Books, and Warner Bros., Inc. No money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended.   
  
**Author's Note:** This is a little fic that I put together one night thinking about Sirius (yes, I do that.) I hope you enjoy it as much as I enjoyed writing it. -Kat  
  
  
~*~  
  
_"I can't believe that you would rather betray Lily and James, Peter! How could you?"  
  
"Me, Sirius? Me? You are the one who handed them over to me! It was you! You betrayed them!"  
  
"No! No, I didn't! I would never betray my only family! My life!"  
  
"You did, Sirius! You betrayed them!"  
  
"No..."_  
  
The dementors were back. They were back again to rip away the last bit of happiness Sirius had left inside his body.  
  
He was so cold.   
  
It had been so long.  
  
How long? He'd lost count. Days, months, years. It was all a blur. That night was a blur. His whole life seemed like a blur.  
  
He only wished it could have turned out differently.  
  
It didn't.  
  
Every day he would lay in this God-awful cell and hope that the visions would end. The nightmare that happened before his eyes every time one of those foul creatures glided past him. The horrid smell that penetrated every fiber of his being as it entered the dirt clad cell only made the nightmares become more alive. He wished for madness. He welcomed it, needed it.  
  
He transformed into the Grim-like form he so often changed into and curled into the corner of the dirt-floor cell that he called home...or as he mused, his own personal hell. For free!  
  
As a dog, the pain was less. The dogs mind couldn't fully comprehend all around him. It was a blissful retreat from the smell, screams, and sights before his very eyes.  
  
But it wasn't a cure for dementors.  
  
He still heard Peter goading him. He heard the screams of the people around him when Peter all but exploded into bits. Sirius knew he didn't.  
  
_Sneaky bastard. You fooled us all, didn't you, Peter? And look where my stupidity landed me,_ Sirius thought.  
  
He had failed Lily, James, and Harry. That was the real problem in Sirius' mind. He could get past Peter's betrayal. He could move on from the lack of a trial, but failing the Potters, his only family, was something that didn't sit very well with Sirius, and he hated himself every second of every miserable day that he spent in this cell.   
  
Every day he thought about the life that they could have had...the sort of Godfather Sirius would be to Harry...  
  
...Harry.  
  
_Oh, Harry. I'm so sorry. Most of all, I failed you. I'm not there for you, to be around during your first trip to Kings Cross for Hogwarts, to see you ride a broom for the first time. I'm so sorry._  
  
If anything, the possibility of seeing Harry one day made Sirius want to live. Such an idea made Sirius fight for sanity. To embrace life.  
  
He only wished he could find a way out.   
  
To be home again. Free.  
  
_I_ will _find a way out of this hell_. _I_ will_ see Harry. I_ will _catch Peter and get him what he deserves. And I will find home again..._  
  
...Sirius looked up when he heard a voice of a man. He quickly changed back into a human and leaned towards the door of his cell.  
  
"Yes, yes I've come to see him. Can I, please?"  
  
_Me?_  
  
"Of course, Minister. Right this way."  
  
_No...not me. Of course he doesn't want to see me! Sirius Black! Ha!_  
  
"Uh...thank you."  
  
Footsteps sounded closer to Sirius' cell. He looked up. There was the Minister, standing outside his cell, talking to another prisoner. He was dressed in a brown pinstripe suit and his infamous hat perched a-top his head. He looked towards the ministers hand, a few rings placed there, to see a recent copy of the daily prophet with pictures of the Weasley family. There was a little boy there, about 12 or so, with a rat perched on his shoulder, smiling happily.  
  
_Rat...oh, Peter, you sneaky bastard. You found yourself a right cozy home, didn't you?_  
  
"Sir...Minister, sir," said Sirius. He was surprised at the clarity of his voice.  
  
"Ex-excuse me?"  
  
_Stuttering old arse,_ he thought.  
  
"Would you lend a man a paper? I don't have anything to read, and well, I would appreciate it..."  
  
"...here, take the old thing! I'll just get another one."  
  
Cornelius Fudge had the master of keys open the door a crack and he quickly threw the paper into Sirius' cell and walked away as if he had seen the nastiest thing alive.  
  
_Well,_ I'm_sure I'm a sight to be seen, but at least_ you, _Minister, have a choice in what you wear, hmm?_  
  
Sirius read the paper and caught up with current events as best as possible. He wasn't surprised to see that all was mostly calm in the world, and he was glad for it. Everyone had received enough heartache to last a lifetime. None of that mattered right now though. One thing that caught his eye the most, and it was the picture of the Weasley family with a certain rat, on a certain boy's shoulder.  
  
_I have got to find a way out of here. I need to get to that rat!_   
  
That night, Sirius slipped through the small opening in his door as a dog.   
  
He had a certain rat the catch, and he wouldn't rest completely until he found him.  
  
_Fin._   
**Author's Note:** Does this end seem too rushed to you guys? I'm not sure...I love this fic so far, but I don't think I can develop it beyond what it is now without, well, losing sanity completely. I don't have a lot left as it is. -Kat  
  
  
  
  
  
  



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